Monday, January 07, 2008

Delightful coincidence

Free will and imagination are entities that I’ll always hold dear. During my formative years, I rebelled against, in various measures, efforts at oppressing me. And through such experiences, I realized that I can be threatened through multifarious channels and that the adversary is a shape-shifting thing. Coercion can occur in subtle ways, through effective blackmail, via open subjugation, or by fomenting a sense of guilt. It can happen in daily conversations, by regular conditioning, courtesy public rebukes, or by demands of love’s labor. Sometimes, the perpetrators are well-meaning people—family, for example—who seem to know what’s good for you. You become an agent, a medium, that is driven to act toward goals you may not cherish. It’s not black and white. That is, you can’t distinguish between the forces acting upon you as entirely positive or entirely negative. The magnitude and time for which such forces act determine their impact on you.

When you choose your actions, you accept total responsibility for their consequences. And that in turn makes you work harder and better. Thereafter, what you’re guilty of is not some half-baked effort but a full-blooded charge. Everything else falls into line. Your priorities are arranged in a perfect hierarchy. Free will and imagination—two life-sustaining forces—act on you then. Without the influence of these forces, however, life starts to decay. You’re cut off from the wellspring of eros.

Self-preservation is the greatest gift you can bestow upon yourself. It’s the most timeless quality; yet, it is the most difficult to cultivate. People corrupt themselves all the time, everywhere. What is the average man capable of? And what does he come up with? And then he still has someone to blame for his bungling. I do not want to have lived a life that respected elders, served as a model citizen, obeyed the law, cared for family, helped friends only because it was expected to, and was commanded to. I want to choose to do any of these moral deeds or not commit any of these crimes, depending on what I hold true. No one should dispute this right to me.

From what I’ve written, it may appear as if I’m an extremely difficult person to deal with. Like I abide by a straitjacketed, claustrophobic code. Should give the impression as if I suffer people and those who stick with me merely succeed in surviving me. But that’s not quite true, at least not apparently. I’ve got plenty of friends, if I may say so myself, and my family loves me. I may not call my mother as frequently as she would like me to, but she still doesn’t think that she has lost me, or worse that I don’t deserve to be loved. And for the said intangible possessions, I haven’t had to lie or be anyone but myself. I’ve just done what I’ve felt to be right and have tried to live by it. In the life that I await, I see myself doing the same and not bothering about anything else. It’s not my business to make the most number of people happy; it’s my moral obligation to be true to myself. And free will and imagination are tools that’ll always come in handy. That they’ll also lend an exalted quality to life shall be a delightful coincidence.

7 comments:

nutty said...

:)

no comments :)

satyajit said...

nutty: why is that?

nutty said...

no offense etc (disclaimer in place) don't you get the feeling you're repeating yourself? I mean your post is always a delight to read (I love the way you express yourself, choice of words, hold on the language, all of it) but the basic idea is almost always the same .. this underlined rebellion .. not wanting to conform to any sort of pressure.

break out of your own mould and surprise us .. c'mon! you're such an awesome writer .. we know you're not like anyone other than the person you want to be .. get past that and go ahead and really be that person now.

Besides that .. any other comment would be just a repetition of what we keep saying to each other :) right?

Candid Confessions said...

First glance, u reminded me of Gregory House's character from the series House. But then you not really are similar. You are rebellion alright, but, truly like nutty rightly says so you don't always have to say it out loud. And trust me, people who matter know you rightly the way you are. And above and beyond all, every person only gets the impression that you want to present. Nothing more, nothing less! Get comfortable in your skin buddy!
p.s. - Your vocabulary is amazing! How I cant use this words even though I know their usage is baffling me! And you do a great job at expressing yourself with the gamut of these words!!

satyajit said...

nutty and candid confessions: ok, you two, I got into major trouble at work for being a little too free-willed :-)

Charl said...

Hahaha. Oh shit. You did totally screw up!

Ok having laughed at you and all, I'd say that, about the wrk thing, there was just a sort of a miscommunication involved. People just didn't get what you were trying to say...or maybe you didn't say it right. In fact, in their comments, they only ended up saying the pretty much the same things you did, emphasizing some things and disregarding others.

Nothing to be stressed about.

PS: Oh and ALWAYS ignore comments by...ok will tell you in person. I need to be all PC here.

nutty said...

Awww!! no worries, this too shall pass!